Signs
 
These are actual signs seen across the U.S.A.
  • At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
  • In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
  • On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy"
  • On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."
  • In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
  • In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."
  • In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."
  • In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
  • In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"
  • On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
  • On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
  • At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
  • On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
  • In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
  • In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
  • In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
  • In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
  • On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"
  • Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
  • In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
  • In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
  • On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak."
  • In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
  • In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
  • On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."
  • On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."
  • On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
  • Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."
  • And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says, "Do not throw stones at this sign."

 

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